Dissecting Romney's Report Card

Intellectual jack-of-all-trades, Norman Cousins, once noted that "history is a vast early warning system."  Though clearly an app for geopolitical purposes, its routine use on individuals is highly effective as well. Consider our use of sports stats to determine not only overall team rankings but each player's value as well. Candidates for public office are no different in this regard.

Their prior votes, long held views, planned or ill-prepared statements, and even personal histories are analyzed in hopes of trying to get a glimpse of how they may be based on how they were. No stone seems to go unturned in our collective attempts to find the sum of a person based on the whole of the parts.

             In that vein, let me tell you everything you needed to know about a potential Romney Presidency can be learned by simply interpreting the grades of his high school, freshman year, first quarter report card (http://www.mediaite.com/online/mitt-romneys-high-school-freshman-report-card-released/).

            B in English:  Ineffective communicator; lacks ability to connect with people. As the teacher's comment implies, he gets his message across but folks aren't feeling it.

            B in Elementary Algebra:  Doesn't really understand economics.  Note he tends not to study enough which means he probably cannot even make sense of his own fiscal policies.

            B in Biology:  Anti-woman, homophobic, creationist.  His difficulty with genetics is indicative of someone who has difficulty understanding when life begins and that homosexuals are born that way.  "Originality” and “imagination” suggest a fantastical obsession with Intelligent Design mythology.

            C in French: Unapologetic American Exceptionalist with an ineffective foreign policy agenda.  Early high scores - Olympics is international, right? - lulled him into assuming he was ready to lecture an ally; cede the religious center of the world completely to Judaism alone; and act like he had anything to do with Polish independence won 20 years before he took the stage. (Note the oddly conciliatory closing comment on his admirable and potentially successful efforts by someone with the initials HRC. Was a perennial Democratic favorite hedging her bets even then?)

            B - in Art:  Republican In Name Only.Despite attempts at being a slacker in an elective, he can't hide his true leanings. A real conservative would never take a course that leads to a lifetime of taxpayer subsidization let alone show any sign of being proficient in one of its profitless mediums.

Mitt Romney also had what appears to be an unexcused absence that quarter which could lead to calls for him to release his full medical records since birth.  The additional comment that he was “a more responsible citizen” that year begs the question, what was he before that? Some intentionally unnamed sources have it on good, albeit unanimous, authority that prior to 1961, Mitt was neither responsible nor a citizen.

(Based on this single transcript alone, one can conclude unequivocally who the better man is in this election.  And while President Obama has yet to release any of his transcripts we should take him at everyone else’s word that he is a genius; that 4 years of 8+ unemployment rates spurred on by billions in special interest stimulus is recovery; and that total annual deficit spending under his economy policies - more than that of all of his predecessors combined - coupled with increasing taxes and fees on all Americans is the only way to prosperity.)