Dissecting Romney's Report Card

Intellectual jack-of-all-trades, Norman Cousins, once noted that "history is a vast early warning system."  Though clearly an app for geopolitical purposes, its routine use on individuals is highly effective as well. Consider our use of sports stats to determine not only overall team rankings but each player's value as well. Candidates for public office are no different in this regard.

Their prior votes, long held views, planned or ill-prepared statements, and even personal histories are analyzed in hopes of trying to get a glimpse of how they may be based on how they were. No stone seems to go unturned in our collective attempts to find the sum of a person based on the whole of the parts.

             In that vein, let me tell you everything you needed to know about a potential Romney Presidency can be learned by simply interpreting the grades of his high school, freshman year, first quarter report card (http://www.mediaite.com/online/mitt-romneys-high-school-freshman-report-card-released/).

            B in English:  Ineffective communicator; lacks ability to connect with people. As the teacher's comment implies, he gets his message across but folks aren't feeling it.

            B in Elementary Algebra:  Doesn't really understand economics.  Note he tends not to study enough which means he probably cannot even make sense of his own fiscal policies.

            B in Biology:  Anti-woman, homophobic, creationist.  His difficulty with genetics is indicative of someone who has difficulty understanding when life begins and that homosexuals are born that way.  "Originality” and “imagination” suggest a fantastical obsession with Intelligent Design mythology.

            C in French: Unapologetic American Exceptionalist with an ineffective foreign policy agenda.  Early high scores - Olympics is international, right? - lulled him into assuming he was ready to lecture an ally; cede the religious center of the world completely to Judaism alone; and act like he had anything to do with Polish independence won 20 years before he took the stage. (Note the oddly conciliatory closing comment on his admirable and potentially successful efforts by someone with the initials HRC. Was a perennial Democratic favorite hedging her bets even then?)

            B - in Art:  Republican In Name Only.Despite attempts at being a slacker in an elective, he can't hide his true leanings. A real conservative would never take a course that leads to a lifetime of taxpayer subsidization let alone show any sign of being proficient in one of its profitless mediums.

Mitt Romney also had what appears to be an unexcused absence that quarter which could lead to calls for him to release his full medical records since birth.  The additional comment that he was “a more responsible citizen” that year begs the question, what was he before that? Some intentionally unnamed sources have it on good, albeit unanimous, authority that prior to 1961, Mitt was neither responsible nor a citizen.

(Based on this single transcript alone, one can conclude unequivocally who the better man is in this election.  And while President Obama has yet to release any of his transcripts we should take him at everyone else’s word that he is a genius; that 4 years of 8+ unemployment rates spurred on by billions in special interest stimulus is recovery; and that total annual deficit spending under his economy policies - more than that of all of his predecessors combined - coupled with increasing taxes and fees on all Americans is the only way to prosperity.)

Gay for Chik-Fil-A? NJ Won't Be Lovin' Ya Back

As an openly heterosexual male I have long found that Chik-Fil-A is a fantastic facility in which to aggressively make out with my wife.  For years now we have locked lips and slobbered over each other at the counter, across the tables, in the booths, bathrooms and even the indoor playground.   My car’s fender is all scratched up from trying to go at it while maneuvering the drive-thru lane.  We are not unlike the hundreds of thousands of other heterosexual couples who frequent Chik-Fil-A with the sole purpose of getting it on in there like teenagers in their parents’ basement.   Sometimes we don’t even order any food that is how conducive the environment is for inappropriate displays of public affection.  That is unless, of course, you are a homosexual. 

Same sex couples are not allowed to kiss each other in a Chik-Fil-A.  They aren’t allowed in the restaurant and even turned away at the drive-thru.  And we know this because?  Well, because of the big signs on the doors that say, “No Gays Allowed;” because of the voice at the drive-thru that prompts gays to immediately drive away while it offers to assist all others; and because of  the gaydar  at the counter that will sound when a covert homosexual tries to order value meal.  (The kids' meals come with a state issued Certificate of Marriage and Chik-Fil-A does not conduct same-sex marriage ceremonies in their stores.  It is written in their corporate rules as is the no-gays served policy.) 

Bearing ample evidence illustrating wholesale discrimination in each and every franchise across the nation, some in the LGBT community have said enough is enough and declared today National Same Sex Kiss Day at Chik-Fil-A.   Because nothing says we deserve equality better than inappropriately making out at a fast food restaurant, right?
 
Yeah.  Steve Goldstein, Chairman of New Jersey’s Garden State Equality advocacy group feels the same way about the effectiveness of this kiss-in campaign.   He rightly points out same sex relationships, just like straight couples, involve so much more than sloppy and awkward P.D.A.s.  They are deeper and more committed than that. While he doesn’t say this called for action makes a mockery of the basic human right he and countless others are fighting for, it is pretty clear he sat this one out.  The group didn’t offer up ringing endorsements to act like juveniles in heat at area restaurants.  Securing the fundemental right of loving partners to legally marry themselves and their property to each other is not won with sideshow antics that only reinforce belittling stereotypes.

Goldstein notes that GSE will recommend an alternative, more long-term action against the company to get its message out there.  He understands the first amendment and respects personal opinions and the right of private citizens to spend their money as they so choose.  He hopes enough folks will choose not to spend theirs at Chik-Fil-A.    No calls for pickets and protests of local franchises employing your neighbors but rather just the simple nonverbal expression of your first amendment right by driving right by it even if you are hungry and those nuggets are pretty damn good.

Some have already done so.   Local entities that have worked with Chik-Fil-A in the past are rethinking that relationship.  Others might not see any connection between the personal statements of a mostly nameless faceless CEO far, far away and the local chains serving up decent, reasonably priced meals in an extremely courteous environment.  How often do any of us really think about the political side of the profits we contribute to daily?  Folks like Steve Goldstein  are hoping now is the time you start, and not just by kissing it up at Chik-Fil-A.

http://www.courierpostonline.com/article/20120803/NEWS01/308030018/No-kiss-menu-N-J-gay-groups